The Ticket Puncher

James Lehman PhD is creator of the “Total Transformation”. He deals a lot with troubled teen behavior and also coaches effective parenting techniques. His approach is direct and based on the idea that it is easier to change your behavior than your attitude. Once you’ve started to change behavior, the attitude will soon follow. He advises parents not to get too caught up in a teen’s attitude and that it will take focused work on both the part of the parent and child. If you haven’t heard of his program, I assure you that it isn’t a joke, and the techniques actually do work. I was hesitant because it promised to get the parent back in control of the bad situation in one minute or less. He gives lots of tidbits or “tools” that parents can use in a pinch. Mainly, it is a structured way of handling out of control behavior for the long-term. Website: http://www.empoweringparents.com/

Blast to the Past, Introduction

I can say that I had a great childhood. It wasn't that I had an overly charmed life. I was constantly at the bottom of the food chain in our family. However, I came through it feeling totally able to take care of myself. I was lucky in love and had good enough sense and grades to go for what I wanted. I was athletic, but small, which was advantageous in certain respects...easier to do gymnastics, good for sneaking into the drive-in, appreciated for the tiny footprint in gardening jobs, etc. I was always surrounded by a wealth of diverse people in the communities my parents chose to live in. For that, I will always be grateful

 We travelled a lot as a family, in the car. I was the one who always got carsick. I got to sit in the front a lot between Mom and Dad because of this.  It was a curse and a blessing because Mom smoked  occasionally and that probably made me more nauseous. Jammed in the front was definitely better than being jammed in the back of the station wagon. 6 kids plus 1 yellow lab and 2 parents didn't leave a whole lot of room for  other stuff. One time I was sitting next to a window and I was holding my stuffed dog Spot out, to let him catch some air as we drove down the highway.  I accidently let go and watched in horror as he flew into a cornfield and disappeared.  My dad would not stop.  It was the only stuffed animal I had and now he was gone.

We drove to California from Iowa and Dad talked about the orange grove that was just across from our house. By the time we got there, that orange grove had been plowed under for urban development.  Disappointing yes, and a signal for things to come. But Claremont was, and still is, a magical beautiful place and not just because Disneyland was not that far away. We lived in a scenic friendly spot with great weather, just far enough away from pollution to forget about it.

So with this short  post, I'm starting a mini series to celebrate childhood memories and the lessons learned.

Up your °F

Today has started off kind of rocky.
We’re heading into our 23nd year of marriage.

How do you keep things fresh and tight?

It’s a challenge, especially if there's been some trouble underfoot, and after 22 years, there’s going to be some separation. After all, it’s the growing and changing that we each do that keeps us interesting. Yet, there needs to be some sort of anchor at home to keep each other from washing, or merely floating, away. Who or what is the anchor? Can you switch roles? What guides you through each day? The power struggles that tend to undermine rather than reinforce relationships are the kinds that make us inflexible as partners.

Inflexibility means B-O-R-I-N-G.

Inflexibility means not accepting the other’s viewpoint...at least consider the idea.

Inflexibility makes us old before our time. Give the other the benefit of the doubt that they know how to live their life.

So, in my humble opinion, the answer is personal behavior!

Make amends.

Be appreciative.
Be reciprocal if positive.
Don’t make it personal if it’s negative.

These are easier said than done, but if it’s said, it can be done.
Get started right away… make up passionately (up your°F) and move on energetically!

Here’s to Us! Love you Al