The Ticket Puncher

James Lehman PhD is creator of the “Total Transformation”. He deals a lot with troubled teen behavior and also coaches effective parenting techniques. His approach is direct and based on the idea that it is easier to change your behavior than your attitude. Once you’ve started to change behavior, the attitude will soon follow. He advises parents not to get too caught up in a teen’s attitude and that it will take focused work on both the part of the parent and child. If you haven’t heard of his program, I assure you that it isn’t a joke, and the techniques actually do work. I was hesitant because it promised to get the parent back in control of the bad situation in one minute or less. He gives lots of tidbits or “tools” that parents can use in a pinch. Mainly, it is a structured way of handling out of control behavior for the long-term. Website: http://www.empoweringparents.com/


He labels types of parenting styles and reminds us that no parent starts off intending to be a bad parent, they just have become ineffective. One such role a misguided parent takes on is called the Ticket Puncher. The Ticker Puncher tells kids that they’re acting ok even if they’re not. The message to the kid is that he’s ok even if he stole something, lied or been inappropriate in some other way The truth is that here are jerks everywhere. Teach the kid to handle the situation correctly by taking responsibility for his actions and hold him accountable. A Ticket Puncher will argue with the principal when he is called and says it’s another kid’s fault. Maybe the parent thinks a teacher has it out his kid, so punches the kid’s ticket and says it’s OK to TP his bad teacher’s house. The parent should deal with that teacher one on one and help the teacher to enforce the rules. Don’t accept emotional blackmail from the child. If you punch her ticket, you’re saying  when something is not her fault, and it’s not her responsibility to change. The better and more effective problem solving parent will teach the kids to deal with the jerks. You still have to learn. The child has to learn regardless of having learning disorder, mental problems or divorce in the family. It’s up to the kid to learn because doors start to shut in adulthood if she can’t comply with authority.

James warns that If you don’t effectively teach your kid to behave in a responsible way, that kid is going to be 50 years old, with his feet on your coffee table, asking ma to cash his government check for cigarette money. So parents, wise up and do the right thing.